Barb Caffrey's Blog

Writing the Elfyverse . . . and beyond

Archive for October 9th, 2019

Fatigue Fog and Frustration

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Folks, I liked the above title because it works with or without punctuation. (Yes, I’m weird like that. Goes with the territory, I guess.) With punctuation, it would be, “Fatigue, fog, and frustration,” but even without, it sums up my mood quite nicely.

Yes, I continue to battle. I have finished up a few more edits. I am going to play the next concert with the Racine Concert Band (next Tuesday at Park High School), too. And I’m still at least thinking about the plots and stories I want to write, even if I’m too tired/sick to write them at the moment.

So, what in the world is going on this time? My best guess (and the doctor’s, too) is fibromyalgia. That’s a much-misunderstood disorder that has to do with chronic pain, chronic fatigue, and sleep problems. Everything else has been ruled out (save my migraines, which are being treated elsewhere, and of course my asthma, under maintenance care as per usual). So only fibromyalgia remains a viable diagnosis.

What it means for me is that I must rest more. I have to continue to get gentle exercise, eat well, and do my best to get more than six hours of decent sleep a night. I’ll also be evaluated by a sleep specialist soon, and hopefully by a fibro doctor as well, depending on whether my insurance wants to pay for it.

I’m fortunate that my editing has not been affected by this issue. But my writing definitely has been. And while I can do a little bit of writing, here and there, I still have to ration my strength for what needs to be done rather than what I want to do.

Though in an ideal world, I’d figure out how to do both things. (And I do hope to live in that ideal world someday, of course!)

I will keep doing everything I can to get healthier. That’s all I can promise right now. That, and read widely, and comment as I’m able, and write a few blogs here and there…and hopefully work again on fiction sometime in this lifetime.

That’s what I need to do. And that’s what I’m somehow going to do, once I get to feeling a little better.

Do I enjoy writing updates like this? Hell no, I don’t. But as I haven’t written anything here at my personal blog for a bit, I figured I owed one…even if it’s not what I wanted to say, or probably what you wanted to hear, either.

So, that’s why I started this off with the title of “Fatigue Fog and Frustration.” I am fatigued. I sometimes feel in a fog. And I certainly do feel frustrated by it all…but I’m going to persevere and do my level best.

Because that’s all I can do.

And I’d rather be honest, and admit my shortcomings, than try to “fake it ’til I make it.” As the latter does no good…and the former, at least, may tell someone else battling with much the same thing that they’re not alone.

Written by Barb Caffrey

October 9, 2019 at 3:08 pm

Posted in Uncategorized