Barb Caffrey's Blog

Writing the Elfyverse . . . and beyond

Archive for July 2020

The Truth and Covid-19

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Folks, lately there has been an assault on the truth the likes I’ve never seen.

First, there are the Covid-19 deniers. The folks who say there is no such thing.

Those are the worst of all. Because they are denying something because it hasn’t happened to them. (That is what narcissism is all about, to my mind, even though that is not its classical definition.) And because it hasn’t happened to them, goodness knows, it couldn’t have happened to anyone else.

Second, there are the Covid-19 minimizers. These folks say it’s not that bad. That most people will live if they get it. (True enough, though incomplete.) That the worst cases are only happening to people with pre-existing medical conditions or those of us who are overweight/obese (or, forgive me for using this offensive term, morbidly obese). And they say this with a casual disdain, as if these folks deserved to die or be severely impaired for the rest of their lives.

They aren’t much better than the first group. Not really. Because most of them haven’t had any relatives, doctors, or even casual acquaintances come down with it. And because it hasn’t happened to anyone they know, they figure it’s not really happening to anyone.

And third and somehow even more deadly group of people are those of the above two groups I’ve already mentioned who happen to be in the United States government right now. These people are making public policy, and yet they don’t have all the facts. Worse, they don’t seem to want all the facts…because that would interfere with their worldview, and goodness gracious, they can’t have that. (/sarcasm)

I am frustrated with these people. They don’t learn unless it happens to them. And sometimes, even if it does, they learn the wrong lessons.

Granted, we are all free to learn anything we want from our mistakes. But Covid-19 is so deadly to a certain percentage of the population that making too many mistakes will kill millions.

That’s a fact, too, whether anyone in those three groups I mentioned will ever admit it.

The truth about Covid-19 is that it’s awful. It has struck down people from all walks of life. It has struck down people of all ages, including the youngest (not many of them so far, but some). And some who’ve lived through it will be profoundly impaired the rest of their lives.

Now, me saying all that doesn’t mean you should panic. Because panic doesn’t get you anywhere.

What I am saying is that you should not deny reality.

Covid-19 exists. Take reasonable precautions. Do what you can to stay safe.

And if you are someone who cannot wear a mask due to any reason, be extra-cautious. Do what you can to stay in your car if you must leave your house. Let others do your grocery shopping, as much as that galls, as well as any other errands you have.

The final, vital thing I need to mention today is that you must prioritize your own life and health right now. No matter what anyone else says, you must do this.

That way, if you disagree with 100% of this blog, you can argue with me later as to how bad Covid-19 really was…rather than insist now it’s not a terrible thing, and end up finding out the hard way later that you were utterly, utterly wrong.

Written by Barb Caffrey

July 29, 2020 at 3:40 pm

Come See the New Video for CHANGING FACES!

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Folks, there is now a video for CHANGING FACES!

51pgonihralIf you’ve read my blog for a while, you know what CHANGING FACES is; it’s my LGBTQ-friendly fantasy novel about two graduate students and clarinetists, Elaine and Allen. Elaine is bisexual and gender-fluid; Allen is a typical, heterosexual male. They love each other very much, but Elaine has kept from Allen her gender-fluid/transgender nature. (He does know she’s bisexual and doesn’t care.)

Now, why did she do that? It wasn’t a conscious choice, exactly…she’d been raped years ago, a gang-rape, while a foster child, and the system failed her. That she could find a way to love truly after all that was remarkable, and Allen knew that part of her. (Before you ask, Elaine uses “she/her” pronouns, that being her preference.) But she was terrified that Allen would not understand, and so kept this from him, until one night it all bubbled up.

And he was floored.

Anyway, this isn’t explaining the video, is it? (Or is it?) Because you could instead be watching it, right now, thanks to my friend and fellow author Kayelle Allen. She put a link to it on her blog, and that link is to her YouTube Channel…but really, I need to show you what she did, shouldn’t I? 😉

 

Isn’t that great?

And in case you missed it, a few years ago I wrote a blog for Kayelle called, “Writing a Bisexual Character.” It talks more about why Elaine is the way she is, and how I did my best to be authentic to her experiences throughout.

Anyway, want some links? (Sure you do. Why not? The e-book’s only ninety-nine cents, after all!)

Publisher Twilight Times Books

Amazon US https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N3CQKWJ
Amazon UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01N3CQKWJ
Barnes and Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/changing-faces-barb-caffrey/1125707044
Link to except: http://www.twilighttimesbooks.com/ChangingFaces_ch1.html

Have at! (Then come back and let me know, OK? Sometimes writing seems like shouting into the void.)

Written by Barb Caffrey

July 21, 2020 at 1:19 pm

Posted in Changing Faces, Informational Stuff, LGBT

Tagged with ,

Heat, Humidity, and Writing

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Folks, I’m still alive. Covid-19 hasn’t gotten me yet, and I hope it never will.

But the heat and humidity here in Southeastern Wisconsin have been brutal for about a week. We also haven’t had the world’s best air quality. And the two things have slowed me something fierce when it comes to writing, though I have managed a little progress here and there despite it all.

I’ve found that high heat, plus humidity, seems to be more difficult to manage than the bitter cold in the winter. I don’t know exactly why this is. It’s not that I enjoy cold so much; far from it. But at least when you go indoors, you can get a respite from the cold and a hot shower will do some major good.

I don’t have air conditioning, so dealing with the heat and humidity is definitely a challenge. It does sap my strength. I am an asthmatic, as I’ve said before, and that means I have to be hyper-vigilant…or at least make my best effort at being prudent. I get annoyed at having to be so “safe,” mind you, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Staying safe is essential, of course, no matter if it’s the heat, humidity, Covid-19, the bubonic plague, or trying to stay away from murder hornets. (I think we all should be able to get behind that. Who wants to get stung by a murder hornet? I don’t even think another murder hornet would, but that’s another story…ahem.)

Still, I’ll move forward, slowly, and keep a positive thought. It beats doing anything else by a mile. And that way, I may accomplish something.

What’s going on in your life? How are you handling the heat and humidity on your end, or if you’re in the Southern Hemisphere, how are you handling the winter? Tell me about it in the comments!

Written by Barb Caffrey

July 18, 2020 at 11:20 pm

Posted in in general, Writing

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Ten Years of Blogging Later…

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Folks, yesterday I passed my tenth anniversary of blogging.

Ten years. Ten.

Wow.

I keep thinking how quickly time passes by, yet how slowly things actually change. Especially as I’m interested in most of the same things I was ten years ago — perhaps that’s not entirely a surprise, considering how obstinate difficult determined I can be, and have always been.

Anyway, I hope you’ve enjoyed my ten years of blogging to date. And I do hope to have more to say, soon, about life, the universe, and everything…or at least my corner thereof.

What have you enjoyed most about my blogs? What would you like me to do next? What have you always wanted me to talk about but never thought I would? Tell me about it in the comments!

Written by Barb Caffrey

July 11, 2020 at 12:27 pm

Posted in in general

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Sunday Musings: You Can Only Fix Yourself

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Over the past several weeks, I’ve been grappling with something that has completely vexed me. To wit: Why do I allow myself to get so frustrated over what other people do?

See, we can’t fix other people. It’s impossible for us, as human beings, to wave a magic wand or think a magic thought or do something otherwise that changes the outcome of someone else’s behavior.

It just doesn’t work that way.

Because I’ve chosen to be friends — and, in some cases, family — with some rather iconoclastic people, this means sometimes I just don’t see eye-to-eye with them. I understand this, but I still get upset when I realize we can’t meet in the middle…and sometimes, we can’t even agree to disagree. (That last bothers me greatly, but unfortunately I can’t do much about it.)

See, people are who they are. They only change when they’re good and ready. They only make it easy for you to stay in their lives and talk with you and be communicative when that’s what they want, too.

Again, as a communicator — and, perhaps, as a peacemaker — at heart, this is something I have a hard time wrapping my head around. The whole idea of a casual long-term friendship where people dip in and out of my life on a whim isn’t something I do, as a general rule.

Now, what do I do instead? I try to be as steady as a rock with my friends and family. I don’t always succeed at this, but that is my intention. I do my best to live up to my obligations; I do my best to live up to my own, personal belief systems; I do my best to be ethical, aboveboard, and honest; I do my best not to throw vitriol for the same of throwing vitriol.

But if you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you probably know all these things. So what’s got my goat to the point I felt I needed to come blog about it?

I think what got to me most, lately, is the idea that came up in a friend’s telephone chat. He mentioned that everyone lies in public. Everyone puffs themselves up. Everyone puts up a front.

I think many people do. But I try hard not to.

What’s the difference in what I do versus what my friend said everyone supposedly does? Well, I’ve decided that I am not going to waste my time or energy pretending to be something I’m not. I see no point to that whatsoever. And because I see no point to that, I don’t expect other people who know me well to still want to put up fronts.

Why we can’t all meet in the middle, sometimes, is just beyond me.

Still, this all relates to my overarching theme somehow. (It must, or I’d not be typing this out. Picture me smiling ruefully here.) And that theme is that we can’t fix other people.

And just as they can’t make us be what they want us to be (how horrid would that be, huh?), we can’t make them what we want them to be either. We can only choose to accept them as they are, or not. And get to know them on their terms, just as they get to know us on ours. Or not.

So, for all of the above reasons, I urge you to remember this: The next time someone vexes you, because they aren’t who you want them to be, remember that they don’t have to be anything but themselves. Just as you don’t have to be anything but yourself, either.

If the two of you can’t figure out how to be friends under those circumstances, well, then maybe the friendship is doomed. (But I’d like to think it’s not.)

And either way, you can’t fix them. Just as they can’t fix you. So you can delight in being different…or you can walk away, knowing you tried your level best. (The choice is yours.)

Written by Barb Caffrey

July 5, 2020 at 6:34 am

Continuing On, Independence Day Weekend Edition…

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Folks, we’re about to hit July 4th — Independence Day — in the United States. That’s a major holiday, where we normally have fireworks, music, and parades.

Not this year, though.

This year, due to Covid-19, Independence Day is going to look a whole lot different. There will be no local concerts (and very few, if any, live concerts in the United States). There will be no parades. And in most of Wisconsin, there will be no fireworks.

In fact, we’re going to have a repeat of last year’s fireworks on local TV. And, perhaps, some repeats of concerts as well. (No word on if anyone’s going to show a repeat of the various parades, though it wouldn’t surprise me.)

It doesn’t feel much like a holiday, to my mind, because we are lacking all of those things. Plus, there have been so many deaths due to Covid-19 in the United States that it’s hard to be festive anyway.

But we must continue on, and do whatever we can. Live our lives, help others, read books, listen to music, continue to do whatever we can to further our pursuits (in my case, music and writing), and refuse to surrender to the despair and anxiety that seems to pervade the United States right now.

We’re also dealing with a heat wave in Wisconsin that isn’t helping. (It’s humid, hot, and nasty, with poor air quality. Definitely not my cup of tea, and I don’t think it’s something most people would want to deal with if there were any other options.)

Because of all of that, I wanted to make sure I reminded everyone to do the following five things:

  1. Be kind
  2. Stay hydrated
  3. Eat when it’s a bit cooler, so it has more likelihood of staying down
  4. Work smarter, not harder
  5. Give yourself a break now and again, the way you (hopefully) do for others in similar situations.

If you can do those five things, you’re going to be better off in the long run as well as the short run. And it may remind you that this, too, can be overcome. (But it will take time, and most of us — myself included — are not patient.)

What’s your plan for Independence Day? Tell me about it in the comments!

Written by Barb Caffrey

July 2, 2020 at 2:35 pm