Barb Caffrey's Blog

Writing the Elfyverse . . . and beyond

A Sunday Throwback (and Other Stuff)

with 6 comments

Folks, Facebook has a memories feature, and it reminded me of a blog I wrote in 2015 called “A Writer’s Work is Never Done.” (Link is here.) As lately I’ve been editing far more than I’ve been writing, it was nice to have something positive show up in my Facebook feed (yes, I shared that puppy; what, you expected me to say anything else?)

See, editing can be draining. And the most recent project I’ve been working on was a monster of an edit. (It might be the toughest edit I’ve ever had.) It consumed me, at least when I wasn’t sick and was being consumed by something else.

I am still sick, mind, with an asthma exacerbation and some sort of untreated allergic reaction. (I have an Epi-pen, and I know what to do if/when something bad happens of an allergic nature. Still, I hope I won’t have to use it anytime soon.) The new meds I’ve been put on should do some good, but it’ll take a few weeks for them to ramp up.

Anyway, the point to this Sunday post is this: No matter how awful you’re feeling, something will remind you of better days. (Even if it’s not exactly what you’d thought about, at first.)

Of course, the other memory I had pop up in my feed was that my dog Trouble died on this day two years ago. (Well, two years and a few days ago, now.) Thinking about Trouble is bittersweet, at best, ’cause I loved that little guy so much. He really did see himself as a badass, but he was a sweetheart. (Hey, you can be both, especially if you’re a dog. But I digress.)

I don’t have a picture that’s shareable, or I’d show you one. But Trouble was about fourteen pounds, had a black and white coloring, was mostly Shih Tzu but mixed (the back legs were shorter than the front, which isn’t common for Shih Tzus), and was one of the most interesting and funny dogs I’ve ever been around. Big brown eyes, an expressive face…Trouble had empathy galore, though of course he didn’t bruit it about (as again, he was a badass and don’t you forget it).

Finally, though my Facebook feed didn’t throw this memory up, I remember my good friend Jeff Wilson on this day. He would’ve turned 58 today, had he lived, and it’s been ten long years since he died.

How time flies.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to forgive myself for not being able to go out to Colorado and be with him (as I was still working on financing that at the time of his death). I wish I had made it there, as maybe Jeff’s passing would’ve been a bit easier…and even if not, I would’ve had people to mourn with (rather than mourning alone so many miles — almost half a continent — away).

So, on this day, I remember Jeff. I remember Trouble. I remember that once upon a time, I was excited for my second novel to come out, and was working on my third.

All of these things remind me of my most intrinsic, essential self. And my hope is that as I continue to heal that I will be able to resume my fiction writing, along with being able to play my saxophone and clarinet regularly, along with editing.

Because while I do enjoy editing, doing only that stifles me.

I must be able to create, you see. Or it all builds up to the point I feel like I’m going to spontaneously combust (and not in a good way).

At any rate, what are you thinking about this Sunday? Do you ever think about the people (and beloved pets) that have gone before us? Let me know in the comments, if you would. (Still feeling all alone in the void, here.)

Written by Barb Caffrey

November 21, 2021 at 5:23 am

6 Responses

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  1. I was looking for a photo the other day and came across one I took of a friend in San Francisco six years ago. She died not long after that, and that photo brought back so many mixed emotions. Good ones … except for having to watch her deal with cancer. But even in that, she was such a fighter, all while being one of the most encouraging people I’ve ever known.

    Kayelle Allen

    November 21, 2021 at 11:59 am

    • I understand. I’m glad that you have the memories of your friend, and that she fought so hard (and encouraged everyone at the same time).

      That’s all anyone can do when our good friends pass on. We can remember them, and what they were about, and how important they were to us.

      I know it seems odd to some, but Trouble was such an important little guy to me. In his last years, he lost muscle mass and his spine got very spiny indeed. He never whined. He never complained. He just wanted to be with me and my Mom. He was about unconditional love, and that was it.

      My friend Jeff was a very intelligent man. He was extremely supportive as a friend, he and I swapped writing back and forth (he didn’t show much to me, and I saw most of it after he died, but he did show me some!), and he was one of the few people I trusted implicitly, most especially of the single male persuasion.

      Anyway, I appreciated your comment, Kayelle. 🙂 (As always!) And I hope you always remember your friend fondly, as she sounds like she was a very special woman.

      Barb Caffrey

      November 21, 2021 at 9:56 pm

  2. With loss of a loved one, there always seems to come, the feeling ‘I only I had……’.
    I suppose somewhere deep inside we wanted them to be eternal and always on their best form, thus somehow feel we could somehow turn back time and make things different.
    Or we should have been there in a different way to see their passing making it perfect.
    And then of course we miss them.
    Yet, we immortalise them in speech or written word. And this is as much as any of us can do.


    November 23, 2021 at 7:28 am

    • Yes, that’s true, Roger.

      BTW, I didn’t write yet about the tragedy in Waukesha (where a hardened career criminal drove into a holiday parade, killing five and wounding over forty people). I don’t have words yet for that. 😦

      Barb Caffrey

      November 23, 2021 at 3:56 pm

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