Barb Caffrey's Blog

Writing the Elfyverse . . . and beyond

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Forgiveness and Mother’s Day

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It’s Mother’s Day in the United States. Time to celebrate our mothers, and others who’ve contributed a deeply maternal presence in our lives. And that’s a good thing.

But I was wondering about how some people handle Mother’s Day when they’ve had big problems with their mothers. Mothers who have been arrested, say, for child abuse. Mothers who have put their children in harm’s way, whether they’ve been arrested for child endangerment or not. Mothers who’ve been unremittingly hostile to their children, and refuse to make any amends for their behavior.

I’ve had friends in the past, and still have some to this day, who have had these issues. And what happened to them was a violation of their trust, their humanity, and their core selves.

I feel bad for these friends. Because on a day like today, it has to be harder for them to deal with their memories. And even rising above everything that they’ve been put through (most of the time through no fault of theirs) is only a partial consolation as you watch other people celebrate their relationships with their mothers.

I’m fortunate that I didn’t have to deal with anything like that. While my mother and I have had periods of time when we didn’t get along at all, most of the time we’ve been able to rely on each other for support and care. It isn’t always easy on either side. But I think I’ve been able to learn a lot from my relationship with my mother, and from my mother herself — a strong, intelligent, hard-working woman who did her best through many different personal crises.

I wish my friends had been able to have better experiences with their mothers. Because it’s hard to forgive something like that. And as I’ve said before, many times on my blog, if someone can’t or won’t ask for forgiveness, how can you be able to forgive them?

What my advice is in these situations is to forgive yourself for being there. Try to love your younger self, as best you can. (Which still lives within you, and always will.) And do what you can so you can live with yourself, and be happy with yourself, and realize how far you’ve come from those awful days of despair and agony.

On a day that celebrates mothers everywhere, in short, try to realize that you’ve managed somehow to raise yourself despite it all. And gives yourself some peace…while hopefully leaving some room for those of us fortunate enough to have a decent mother-child relationship to celebrate that as best we are able.

 

Written by Barb Caffrey

May 10, 2020 at 7:18 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Dennis the Dark Elf does #WickedWednesday at Brenda Whiteside’s blog…

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I know that’s a long title. But hey…sometimes  you just need long titles.

Author Brenda Whiteside offered me a guest shot during her Wicked Wednesday promotion, and I chose to talk about Dennis the Dark Elf as he’s wicked enough for any three others. Here’s a bit from that:

Sometimes, we all like to be wicked.

Really. We do.

The thing is, we don’t necessarily like to admit to it. Not when we’re out paying bills, or being responsible, or making sure the kids in our lives get their teeth brushed.

When my late husband and I worked on the Elfy duology together (at that time one book; now, it’s AN ELFY ON THE LOOSE and A LITTLE ELFY IN BIG TROUBLE), we knew that everyone loved a villain. But we weren’t sure at first what to do in order to get that villain across.

Enter Dennis the Dark Elf Priest. (Soon shortened to Dennis, the Dark Elf, as writing “Dark Elf Priest” all the time became too much for us to bear.) Dennis was a nasty cuss who hated anyone who wasn’t a Dark Elf, but was masquerading as a human priest in order to stir up as much trouble as he could. (If you’re thinking, “That Dennis really is a menace,” you’re right. I even said so at one point in the book!) He planned on sacrificing at least one Elfy (a race of short magicians, none above four feet two inches tall) at Beltaine, otherwise known as May Day, because he wanted power. And he didn’t care about any repercussions – for example, the fact that most humans know nothing about magic, and would be upset to find out about it, after he’d killed someone in cold blood in front of them at a major church festival, didn’t even enter his mind.

Of course, if you’ve been at my blog before, you know that Bruno the Elfy is my hero, he’s the equivalent of a teenager, and the love of his life, Sarah, is in danger because of Dennis and his perfidious ways.

(I’ve always wanted to use the word perfidious. I guess today’s the day. Moving on…)

I also picked an excerpt showing Dennis at his worst, and Sarah at his mercy, with Bruno trying to figure out how to get her the Hells out of there. (As the Elfys believe there must be more than one Hell, it is “Hells” with an -s in their worldview.)

I do hope you’ll stop by Brenda’s blog and check out my offering. I was glad to do the guest shot, glad to talk about Dennis, and I definitely was glad to talk about something other than being sick for a change. (I am beyond tired of that. But still working on it, alas.)

And do give Brenda’s blog a look-see every so often, OK? She features many writers. (I hope to have her over here myself one of these days.) She is a generous person with her time, and I truly appreciated her letting me share her space today.

Moving Forward, Slowly…

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Still dealing with some respiratory distress, as I was during this blog I wrote in 2018. My feelings remain the same. I’m glad that I am able to do what I can when I’m healthy enough to do it.

Barb Caffrey's Blog

Folks, I continue to recover from the Nasty Respiratory Ailment (TM). I am much better than I was, and have completed two novel-length book edits in the past two weeks. Working on two more, too…and I have started writing a bit again, so I’m feeling much better about things overall.

That said, I wanted to talk a little bit about how sometimes being persistent means accepting the fact that you have to move more slowly than you might like. Illness does this, you see. Injury, too. And in either case, when you want to do more than you are physically capable of doing, it feels like beating your head against a brick wall.

Or maybe beating your wings against the bars of a gray, barren prison. (Whatever works as an image for you, though I definitely am more partial to the prison idea.)

It’s hard to deal with, the feeling…

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Written by Barb Caffrey

January 20, 2020 at 4:56 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Happy New Kindle – a 0.99 cents Book Fair

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It’s not too late to check these books out. I have several listed, but there are any number of interesting books here, including at least one that’s SF…give this a try!

Viviana MacKade

If you found that brand new Kindle under your Christmas Tree, or the stockings was filled with Amazon Gift Cards, this Fair is just for you. Lots and lots of books on sale at 99 cents, and believe me, there’s something for any taste!

Scroll down to fill that hungry Kindle with new stories!

Please, share this post!

Happy New Kindle – a 0.99 cents Book Fair #bibliophile #bookclub #bookworm #bookblogger #bloggerstyle #bookstagram #bookislove #99cents #kindleunlimited #IReadRomance #MFRWauthor

Happy New Kindle – a 0.99 cents Book Fair #bibliophile #bookclub #bookworm #bookblogger #bloggerstyle #bookstagram #bookislove #99cents #kindleunlimited #IReadRomance #MFRWauthor

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Written by Barb Caffrey

January 11, 2020 at 11:40 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

10 Quick New Year’s Resolutions for 2020

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It seems like everyone in the known universe is doing a “New Year’s Resolutions” post. So, I decided to do one myself…here goes!

In 2020, I resolve to…

1) Be kind, no matter what life throws at you. Life is too short to spread vitriol.

2) Forgive, but don’t necessarily forget. Forgiveness is essential for self-healing, but if you forget what someone has done and they just do it over and over again, what’s the point of that?

3) Get more quality sleep.

4) Write more, somehow.

5) Take time to enjoy nature whenever possible.

6) Speak truth to power.

7) Understand that good people can sometimes disagree, and that’s fine.

8) Enjoy the differences as well as the samenesses.

9) Laugh hard and often.

10) Watch the Brewers go deep into the playoffs. (Hey, I have no control over the last, but I figured I’d add it anyway!)

What are your New Year’s resolutions? Tell me about ’em in the comments!

Written by Barb Caffrey

January 1, 2020 at 3:32 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Book Review: “The Night of Blind Ambition”

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As I said in my previous review, I never know how long Amazon will take to put up a new book review. And it’s too important these reviews don’t get lost. I don’t want Mr. Wardlaw to suffer the same fate I have, of being way too little-known, putting out books that are damned good but no one reads.

So I’ve done my best here to let people know Mr. Wardlaw’s books exist. And I do hope that’ll make some sense.

Now, onto my review of Mr. Wardlaw’s second book, THE NIGHT OF BLIND AMBITION, cut and pasted from my Amazon review:

As I said in my review of A BLOODY ARROGANT POWER, it astonishes me to find a work of such superior quality as THE NIGHT OF BLIND AMBITION, Malcolm J. Wardlaw’s second book in his “Sovreigns of the Collapse” series.

Indeed, this is the story of Lawrence, the younger brother of Donald’s (from the first book in the series). Lawrence is a former military officer who did unspeakable things, but that’s not what got him exiled to the “Night and Fog” (slave labor camps, roughly). Nope, ’cause in Wardlaw’s dystopia, unspeakable things are just part of the game for competent military officers. Instead, what got Lawrence exiled was noticing a scheme of graft and corruption, wanting no part of it, reporting it…and instead being tagged with the crime himself and exiled, because the higher-ups in Lawrence’s chain of command didn’t want to deal with Lawrence’s allegations (probably profiting from the graft themselves).

Worse even than the Night and Fog is when Lawrence is sent to something called “The Value System.” This is an all-male penal colony that does things so disgusting, I hesitate to say. (Let’s put it this way: the man who came up with this system, Prentice Nightminster, is a piece of work and a half.) They are forced to labor for long hours, almost as if they lived in a Siberian gulag. But now and again they get days off, can listen to music, think about their plight, and remember their real names and their real lives.

Most of them get dead drunk during these times. And who can blame them?

Anyway, Lawrence is made of stern stuff. He was indeed competent, as a military officer, and he learned how to survive, strike, and evade. He has a gift of knowing when, exactly, to fight, but also when, exactly, to bide his time.

And when Prentice Nightminster, also known as The Captain (and yes, that’s how Nightminster wants it styled), gives Lawrence an opportunity to get out of the Value System penal colony, Lawrence realizes it’s a poisoned chalice and escapes. (The friend he escapes with was a very learned man, high up in one of the enclaves of high society before his fall. That this learned man helped Lawrence realize this is important; that Lawrence again seizes the gift of knowing when to escape, on a night of raucous merriment for the slaves at the penal colony, is highlighted.)

It’s hard to know when to stop giving a plot summary, especially when much of this book concerns Lawrence’s escape. (We know he does escape from the first book, mind you, so me telling you that is not exactly a spoiler.) So I will stop there, except to say that Lawrence’s exploits are harrowing. And his realizations of who he used to be, coupled with who he now is, are well worth the price of admission.

Honestly, you need to read this book, as well as A BLOODY ARROGANT POWER. This is a very thorough society Mr. Wardlaw is depicting (that is, when he’s not skewering it to a fare-thee-well), and the full immersion within it is total.

All I knew was, after I finished A BLOODY ARROGANT POWER, I had to read this book, THE NIGHT OF BLIND AMBITION. And I’m glad I read both.

Five stars, highly recommended to all SF fans, but most particularly those who enjoy military SF and escape stories.

Barb Caffrey

P.S. Write faster, Mr. Wardlaw! I can’t wait to see what happens to Donald, Lawrence, and Sarah-Kelly next.

Written by Barb Caffrey

November 9, 2019 at 1:39 am

A Brief Bloglet

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Last week I finished up another edit, and had intended to come back here and write another blog. But the best laid plans sometimes do not come to fruition, and thus, the blog is now.

I’m dealing with an unusual situation here, health-wise. I don’t really understand fibromyalgia at all. It does seem to have elements of chronic fatigue to it, which means I’ll have to come up with strategies, and fast, to continue my life on my terms.

In addition, I’ve dealt with an unpleasant infection/abscess. (Or infected abscess? Is that a contradiction in terms?)

More difficulty, less energy. That’s where I’ve been at.

Now, am I completely unable to do anything? No. But I did just spend two days down at home, doing nothing other than sleeping. (Trust me, that is the most boring thing in the world to do. But some days, that’s all that’s possible.)

I have hopes that the rest of the week will be better. I have an appointment with a new doc later today, and we’ll see if he has any ideas. And I’ll talk with my friends, and my family, and see if there’s anything I can do to make things any better.

I get tired of the feeling that all I can do today is “not collapse.” I want more out of my life than that.

But for now, as I continue to struggle, that’s where I am.

Let’s hope I’ll be able to write soon. (I can still edit, thank God/dess.)

 

Written by Barb Caffrey

October 23, 2019 at 5:11 am

Posted in Uncategorized