Barb Caffrey's Blog

Writing the Elfyverse . . . and beyond

Be Yourself, Be a Friend…

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Sometimes, when you’re someone’s friend, it’s not easy.

Maybe that person does something you don’t like, and you don’t know what to say. Or that person has political beliefs that shock you, or least surprise you…or that person insists on going his/her own way, calmly (but not quietly) pointing out the errors in your argument. Or maybe that person, who you thought was so much like yourself, turns out to be his/her own person after all…and while you want that, because who wants to live in an echo chamber, it can be quite disconcerting.

The best thing you can do, when you’re someone’s friend, is to listen. (It’s also the hardest, but it’s necessary.) Try not to pass judgment. Try to step into your friend’s shoes, and see whether or not you can find common ground; even if you can’t, the fact that you took the time to listen and care should matter.

None of us agree all the time. (Even my late husband and I had the rare — OK, extremely rare — disagreement.) So we’re going to have times where all we can do is listen, care, and agree to disagree.

Somehow, some way, we have to learn to be fine with this. And take people as they are, rather than how we’d like them to be.

That way, when you say something to your friend that’s shocking, or surprising, or (in contemporary parlance) a “buzz-kill,” maybe you’ll get the same courtesy.

Ultimately, it all comes down to one thing: Treat others the way you, yourself, want to be treated.

So if you want understanding, dignity, common courtesy, and respect, you’d best give that to your friends — and maybe even your enemies. (Capisce?)

———

Before I go, I wanted to make sure to ask my readers to say a quick prayer (or think good thoughts, or send positive energy, whatever you do in your own, personal belief system) for SF&F author Sarah A. Hoyt. She’s being kept overnight for observation at a Colorado hospital, and while her family is around her (which you’d expect, knowing Sarah at all), she needs all the good wishes, warm feelings and positive prayers she can get right now.

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Written by Barb Caffrey

December 3, 2016 at 12:39 am

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