Barb Caffrey's Blog

Writing the Elfyverse . . . and beyond

Posts Tagged ‘friendship

By Their Fruits, Ye Shall…

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Folks, it’s Sunday. And I’ve been thinking (always a dangerous enterprise, believe me), mostly about Matthew 7:16. (A Biblical verse from the book of Matthew, that indicates.)

The King James version of this verse states:

“Ye shall know them by their fruits.”

But for whatever reason, in the modern era, we’ve turned that around. I’ve mostly heard it the other way, “By their fruits, ye shall know them.” And it is a warning, in either sense, of falseness — false prophets, false witness, prevarication in all forms.

So, when I hear something on CNN about former FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe being fired less than two days before he could’ve taken retirement, I am outraged. Whether you liked McCabe or hated him, he was a career public servant and deserved his pension. And firing him — supposedly with less than twenty-six hours before he could’ve put in for retirement — is flat-out low-class.

There is no reason whatsoever to do this. If you have any tact, decency, or even a working knowledge of the federal government at all, you let this man take his honorable retirement and go. He worked hard and he deserves that money. End of story.

The corollary is, if McCabe was such a “bad actor” (not that I believe he was), why wait until only twenty-six hours before he can take retirement to fire him? And why do it on a weekend, when it’ll be harder for him to respond or get his lawyers involved, as now they must, to fight for his pension?

If there has ever been a clearer statement of “by their fruits, ye shall know them,” I don’t know what it might be.

But let’s step away from politics, shall we? (I know that’s a mine-field.) And talk about personal dealings.

I’ve been sick now for at least a month. (Yes, this is germane, I promise.) I finished up an edit, and have been working very slowly on two more, and I haven’t given up. But I want to talk about the responses I’ve gotten since I admitted how sick I was. (I’m going back into urgent care this morning, BTW, and I hope they’ll find a way to get me a consult to an ear, nose, and throat doc.)

Two very good friends I hadn’t talked with much about this stepped up immediately and have asked daily about my health. They are honestly worried and I appreciate that. They care. That’s good.

By their fruits, I know they are worthy people.

Another very good friend brought me some food and went out to breakfast with me, on one of the few days I felt I could get out at all.

By her fruits, I know she is a worthy person.

Any number of others have written or inquired and asked me how I am, including my friend Tajwarr in India, who’s just finished up her training to become a MD. I very much appreciate this, too.

By their fruits, I know they are absolutely wonderful.

And not everyone knows I’m sick, and I get that.  Certainly not their fault I’m sick, and some people don’t know how to speak to someone who is sick…though I do wonder about them, and what that says about their fruits, if they know and say nothing, or know and choose to say nothing.

Jesus believed that you help the poor, the meek in spirit, the sick, the damaged, those in need of healing. He believed that you should comfort the afflicted. Nurture those who need it, out of the goodness of your hearts, out of the kindness of your souls, because when you do that, you are tapping most strongly into God’s love for us. (Or the Goddess’s, if you prefer, and I definitely do prefer.)

Anyway, I appreciate those among my friends who’ve tried to do that in their various ways. I will never forget it.

And those who have known, but said nothing?

Unfortunately, I will never forget that, either. Because their fruits have proven to be rotten. And I don’t need that in my life.

Written by Barb Caffrey

March 18, 2018 at 7:10 am

Three Days, Three Quotes, Three Bloggers — Day Three #Friendship #Quotes #MFRWAuthor

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Folks, Fridays around Chez Caffrey are busy, tiresome, and difficult. (OK, maybe it was just yesterday.)

That’s the only reason I didn’t finish up the “Three Days, Three Quotes, and Three Bloggers” challenge put to me by the wonderful and inspirational author N.N. Light (author of PRINCESS OF THE LIGHT). But today is a new day…and I’m determined to finish up this challenge, even though I still don’t know what three bloggers I can possibly tag next.

Anyway, I looked for quotes about friendship today. Because to my mind, friendship is one of the biggest and best things there is. Being someone’s friend means standing by them in times of trouble, as well as joy; doing your best to understand them, no matter how different their experiences are from your own; and letting them know they’re not alone.

But C.S. Lewis, in THE FOUR LOVES, said it better than I just did. As quoted by the website What Christians Want to Know:

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

Note that while Lewis’s quotes are used more often than not by Christians, many — including this one — are appropriate for people of all faiths and creeds.

Now, to unpack a little what Lewis was talking about? Lewis pointed out that many of the best things in life (which, to him, included philosophy and art) seem to have no intrinsic value. Nothing that you can hang your hat on. Nothing of monetary value, and as he said overtly, nothing of immediate survival value.

But if you are friendless, you don’t have much of a life.

Why? Well, you have no one to share your joy or sorrow with. No one who understands you, no one with a long (or even a short) baseline to see what you’ve overcome. Or what you’ve made of yourself.

Discussing the meaning of friendship is especially appropriate for this particular blog-hop challenge, as I decided to take it up precisely because of my friendship with N.N. Light (affectionately known as “Mrs. N.”). I met her because of the Marketing for Romance Writers group — we are both MFRW Authors (or #MFRWAuthor on Twitter) — and found her to be a kindred spirit. She’s a book reviewer who loves baseball, believes in family and has a strong moral compass. And she writes and edits…we have a ton of things in common, and I’d not have gotten to know her without the auspices of Marketing for Romance Writers.

Anyway, I agree with C.S. Lewis. Friendship is vital. And while it may not have any intrinsic survival value, it certainly has a great deal of meaning behind it — meaning that is essential to a full and fruitful life.

Now, as for the remaining three bloggers to tag? I haven’t any clue whatsoever. Perhaps Aaron Lazar, Scott Eder, and Dina von Lowenkraft might be interested in this?

Written by Barb Caffrey

September 5, 2015 at 1:59 pm

Friendship, and the SF Controversy “du jour”

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Folks, I continue to be consumed by my edit for A LITTLE ELFY IN BIG TROUBLE, which is the main reason I haven’t been online to blog in the past week-plus.

But there are other reasons.

One of them caused me to ponder what the meaning of the word “friendship” is all about. For when someone knows you for a long time, there is a presumption that if there’s a disagreement — regardless of what the disagreement is about — the other person will listen to you.

He or she may not agree with what you’ve said. But the other person will at least listen, and try to understand.

During this past week, I’ve seen more distress coming out of the community of science fiction and fantasy writers than I’ve ever seen before. I can’t really summarize this for people who don’t understand it, and it seems like “inside baseball” unless you’ve been caught in the crosshairs of this particular bit of internecine strife.

But the upshot of it is this: Writers are fighting other writers, mostly using words — something writers are very good at using, by definition. And rather than trying to find any common ground with one another, writers are continuing to duke it out with our words instead.

How does this have anything to do with friendship, you ask?

It’s simple. I have a friend, Jason Cordova, who got nominated for one of the most prestigious awards in SF&F — the John W. Campbell Award. He got nominated due to the auspices of a group that many other long-term SF&F writers do not like (this group being called the “Sad Puppies”). Jason was not the only writer to be nominated by the “Sad Puppies,” mind you, but he’s the one I know the best.

He is my friend. (You may have gathered this, yes?)

So when some long-term writers started saying that all the people who’d been nominated by the “Sad Puppies” were racists, or homophobic bigots, or the like, I protested. (Anyone who regularly reads my blog knows that I am not shy about such things.)

Jason is Hispanic. He has a sister who’s married to another woman. He is far from wealthy. He is an honored and honorable veteran of the military. And he’s written some lovely short stories along with his solo novel, CORRUPTOR, and several co-written novels with Eric S. Brown, most particularly KAIJU APOCALYPSE and MURDER WORLD.

I don’t think Jason in a million years thought that he’d ever be considered for the John W. Campbell Award, whether the “Sad Puppies” nominated him or not. But he was.

And, being a friend, I congratulated him. And then defended him, even though he probably did not need my defense, because that is what friends do.

To make things a bit more complex, one of the people who was upset was also my friend. This person saw my defense and became irate.

Instead of asking me what I was about, this person walked away. At this point, I don’t know if this person will ever return, either.

Now, there’s a whole lot I’m leaving out, partly by design. (As I said, it’s “inside baseball” for those who aren’t following it — lucky you.)

But the important thing is this: If you are my friend, I know we’re not always going to agree on everything.

(How boring would the world be if we did? But I digress.)

What I would hope we’d agree on is the fact that our friendship deserves at least a little care. A little understanding. A little bit of hope that maybe, just maybe, common ground can be re-established.

I don’t know how many times I’ve gotten upset with my friends, including Jason at times. I’m sure he’s gotten upset with me, too. We don’t agree in our political philosophy, we don’t always agree on other issues…but we are friends, and we work things out — sometimes by agreeing to disagree, sometimes by trying to meet each other halfway.

This is what friends do.

I wish that the SF&F community could try to do that now. Because SF&F writers have far more in common with each other than we do with anyone else…and it’s sad that instead of using our immense energy and creativity to create new worlds with, we’re instead savaging each other.

And as for my other friend? I will care about this person until the day I die. I owe this person a great deal, and I haven’t forgotten this.

But like Lillian Hellman, I will not cut my conscience to fit this year’s fashions.

******
Note: I thought long and hard before writing this. I am willing to discuss the issues of friendship and whether or not SF&F writers can somehow try to find common ground with one another again. Anything else will probably raise my blood pressure unduly; besides, there are many other places discussing these issues in far greater depth than I am.

I’ve taken a general course mostly because I wanted those who are just finding out about this issue to understand just how messy this nonsense is. I’ve already lost one friend over this because I chose to defend another friend I felt was being unjustly attacked.

I neither like nor dislike the “Sad Puppies.” I do respect many of them, most particularly Brad Torgersen and Amanda S. Green. (Before anyone asks, we’re not going to discuss the merits of the “Rabid Puppies” group right now. Or the lack thereof.) I feel they have a right to be heard, and under the rules, they did nothing objectionable. But to some, me saying that is like waving a red flag in front of a bull.

And I neither like nor dislike the vast majority of writers on the other side of this mess.

One thing I do know, though: No one should be threatening anyone else over this. Ever.

Anyway, the floor is open. I welcome comments, providing they are civil. Any that aren’t will be deleted. (You have been warned.)

Written by Barb Caffrey

April 13, 2015 at 6:31 am

Just Reviewed “Brave Genius” at SBR

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Folks, I’ve rarely read such an entertaining, interesting, thought-provoking piece of nonfiction as Sean B. Carroll’s BRAVE GENIUS: A Scientist, a Philosopher, and Their Daring Adventures from the French Resistance to the Nobel Prize, which is why I reviewed it this evening over at Shiny Book Review (SBR for short, as always).  Carroll’s conception is this — if not for the French Resistance, would we even know about Albert Camus or Jacques Monod?  Would they be the same men?  Would they have the same drive?  And without them, would the Resistance have been anywhere near as effective?

Everything else in BRAVE GENIUS, including Camus’ sterling accomplishments as a writer and philosopher and Monod’s work with enzymes (and Monod’s later accomplishment as the writer of perhaps the most unlikely bestseller in the history of mankind, CHANCE AND NECESSITY), is subordinate to this premise.  And Carroll makes a very good case as to why this was so, to the point that I compared his case a few times to Malcolm Gladwell’s OUTLIERS.

Here we have two men who were at the beginning of their careers in 1940 when the French government fell to the Nazis.  (Carroll calls this “leading ordinary lives,” but I don’t really think any life is ordinary.  I’d rather say that they were still important, driven men who hadn’t yet found their voices.)  They were forged in the fire of the French Resistance, and without their efforts — Monod as “Malivert,” one of the top fund-raisers and activists in all of the French Resistance, and Camus as the then-unknown editor of the influential underground newspaper Combat — would everything have taken the same course at the end of World War II?

The World War II historicity here is palpable.  The suspense is still there, sixty-plus years after all of Monod’s and Camus’s efforts.  And it’s by far the standout part of the book, which it needs to be as this is Carroll’s central premise.

Overall, I think BRAVE GENIUS is one of the most interesting, most compelling pieces of nonfiction I’ve read all year.  It’s not 100% perfect (which is why I gave it an A rather than an A-plus), but it’s riveting, especially in those World War II sections.  Literally, if you open this book up and start reading, you won’t want to stop, even though some of Camus’s ideas (not to mention Monod’s research) takes more than a bit of thought to plow through.

That said, I think you definitely should continue on with BRAVE GENIUS no matter how long it takes you to finish it, precisely because those ideas are so important.

Really, if you’ve ever cared why existentialism as a philosophy matters (even though there’s evidence Camus hated the term and probably would’ve come up with another one, given time), or wondered what the French Resistance actually did during the Vichy appeasement besides the simple term “resist,” this book is for you.  And if you want to know why Monod’s research was so important, or more about Monod’s book CHANCE AND NECESSITY (not an easy read to get through, but a book with more compelling ideas per capita than most), or simply want to know more about what these two important, influential men were like as people, this book is for you.

I couldn’t recommend this book more highly, in short . . . so go grab a copy of BRAVE GENIUS (from your local library, if nothing else) and start reading as soon as you can.  Then come back here and let me know what you thought.

Written by Barb Caffrey

September 29, 2013 at 12:20 am